This morning, however, I had no time but to grab a water bottle and head out the door. I wasn’t hungry anyway. A big meal the night before, and a late night, made for a very sleepy, very tired, very unmotivated Julie. If it hadn’t been for my commitment to meet my training partner, I would’ve bailed, no problem. Bed felt so much nicer anyway.
But alas, I wasn’t about to cancel on our scheduled run. We’ve been meeting every weekend for two months, and I couldn’t deny the emotional and physical benefits I’d gained from it. Would it be easier to lie in my bed? Sure. It would be easier.
But life isn’t easy.
And, anything you have to work for seems to reap a reward that’s just a touch sweeter. Our weekly encounters were not only training me to be healthier, it was training me to deal with the hard stuff that comes up in life.
Fast forward to mile 3 of our run. A seemingly endless stretch of pavement up and down, up and down… and after one tiresome climb; my stomach was clenched in an instant shock of nausea. Along with my partner, I slowed to a walk and muttered, “Whoa. Nausea. Yuck.” I clutched my stomach and tried to catch my breath as we walked.
“Just tell me when you’re feeling better,” my partner said. A few moments later, the nausea settled down, and we started back up to our slow pace.
“Ugh,” I moaned through gasping breaths as I pushed my aching hamstrings forward, “It was so weird! I didn’t even eat this morning, so I knew there was nothing in there to come up, but maaaan, I felt like I was gonna hurl. Worst feeling ever!” We slowly ran together, side-by-side, and I listened to our matching footfalls and we pressed on.
My friend nodded in understanding while catching her breath. An occupational therapist and a medical background, she added, “Your body basically used up all of its stored sugar and energy, and the only way it knows to tell you it’s done, is to send a message: ‘Heyyyy. We’re wiped out here. Pay attention to me!’ and you heard it, and shoved it down and said, “SHUT UP!”
I laughed. “Pretty much,” I agreed as we plowed forward. “Last mile. We got this!”
Sometimes, we have to tell ourselves to shut up.
Why? Because we can be whiney, little babies who are having a temper tantrum. Or, because what’s coming up in our minds or are bodies is completely negative energy that needs to be shut down.
Now, of course, it’s important to listen to our bodies when it’s sending us warnings about our health. And, I did. I slowed down, walked and waited for the ill feeling to pass. And, I was put on alert, paying attention to how I felt during that last mile… whether or not I felt shaky, or weak… short of breath… etc. I know my limits. I knew what I had left to give, and I also knew I’d be fine. In the worst case scenario, I had a friend with me and watching out for me.
But, that one little phrase my friend uttered, “You told it to SHUT UP” stuck with me. I did tell myself - my body - to shut up because it was necessary. I needed to take control of the stuff that was threatening me to give up.
This is why I didn’t bail on my morning run.
The test of strength and the mental muscles I’m building – not the physical ones – that empower me to go on, when everything around me is telling me to stop… that’s the reason I keep going.
Sometimes, I get very disheartened at the world around me. People disappoint me. My job can disappoint me. My family can disappoint me… so many things and factors can play into life and bring you down…and many may be out of your control. Sickness. Death. Conflict. Failure. Sadness. Life is not easy. But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to truly believe the old adage of What goes around, comes around.
It may not always come around when you want it to, or how you want it to…but it does. The Universe has a way of setting itself right…finding its balance. And it does so in our lives, too. Just like on my run, I was pushing myself too hard, and my body said, “Stop.” And to make sure I listened, it sent a wave of nausea. Ok, I got you. I heard you, I said to myself. I’ll slow down, I’ll take a breath. I’ll pay attention. Now, SHUT. UP.
I had a conversation with a friend where I moaned about a circumstance that made me sad. He said to me, “I will tell you something my mother used to tell me. People give what they have.”
How true that is! It is the same thing I’ve always believed, but stated in a different way. When you have nothing left to give, you can give no more. You stop. When you have no love, no hope, no joy in your life, you cannot give it to others. When I was running and felt sick, I listened. I stopped. I had a friend there, giving me her support. She gave me her strength and was with me…telling me it’s okay, and to go on when I could. She gave me what she had. I used it. And I told my own negative hampering thoughts to SHUT. The. Hell. Up.
So, as you ring in the new year, with new resolutions, and new hopes… remember this.
What goes around, comes around.
You give what you have.
But sometimes… you need to tell yourself to SHUT UP.
And dig deeper. Change. Be the positive joy you want to get. Be the strong person you want to be. Give what you have to others, and they will give it back to you.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2016, BRING IT!!!